I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
