Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
