So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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