There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
