yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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