All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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