waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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