I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
