too bad you live with your parents still
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
