he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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