haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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