Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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