New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize