I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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