i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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