just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
