I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No subtext here. People are naked.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
