a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
