tell your sister to shave her snatch
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
