he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
