Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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