Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
