you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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