And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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