the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
