I just pynch a tree in the face
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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