Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
