i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
