take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
