Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
