yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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