come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
