you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
