wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
