So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
