You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
