i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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