Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
