I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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