Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
