my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
NoShamevember. You game?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
