I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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