so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
