Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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