anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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