Kiss
Puke
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
