my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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