I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
