I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
