I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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