can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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