the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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