Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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