Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
