were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
