Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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